So I had a long emotional last week I was unable to get to my blog. AdHD has always has his grip on me, dragging me from here to there without time for my brain to make a decision. Thought processes are completed after the action has been done. Fun stuff 🤨. Any how, I had to convince my mother to bring my dad out from Arizona to celebrate his 70th birthday. I asked my dad to visit so we could throw a party, he said “your mom doesn’t want to come back. she say she talks to everyone on the phone, why do I have to see them.” 🤦‍♀️I said just drive out yourself. My dad in no uncertain terms stated, he would not come out without my mom, “she’s my wife I’m not going anywhere without her”. They live by themselves and moved 7 hours from most of their family and children. I did not want him to celebrate by himself, he should be around family. Mind you I only grew up and around my moms family, but my dad is an integral part of that.

Fine, now to convince Mom, who she doesn’t really care for or listen to me. That’s story for another day. My sister was also texting her asking her to bring dad out. I tried to ask my brother (mom’s favorite), who bitterly bumps head with my dad (because they are the same) to try to convince my mom to come out for dad’s birthday, he said “im her favorite, why would you say that, I’m not gonna do that, I mean I wanna see mama but i’m not gonna ask her that”. I also asked my tia (aunt) if she would ask my mom, but she was scared and never text her.

My mom finally succumbed to guilt (yes, Catholic guilt is a thing) and she said yes to coming out to California. She agreed to drive out, so we could throw a part with “her” family but with conditions. She did not want a lot of people attending, (my dad loves parties and family), I should only invite my aunts and uncles, no cousins, and don’t invite people she doesn’t know and no presents. Well, party was at my house, so my rules. Why would I invite people my dad doesn’t know? I wouldn’t duh!. I told her we were going to do lots of balloons and decorations, “No, he’s not 7 years old !” Whatever! I just wanted him to enjoy his birthday I invited with everyone with a personal phone call. One of my tio’s (uncle) was scared, I never call, only text, so he thought, something bad happened. I had to reassure him no one died, everyone was ok, I just want to make sure he knew about my dad’s birthday party with a personal phone call, he was very relieved. I advised everyone of my mom wishes-no presents for my dad. They literally started laughing at me, “I’m gonna bring him a present if I want”, and they did.

The party was on, everyone invited and confirmed. I work during the week, so my husband cleaned the house, and worked on cleaning the yard. I made 3 lasagnas (my dad’s favorite meal) ( I was going to cater, but it was ridiculously expensive), with sauce from scratch, and a giant pot of spaghetti, also with scratch sauce. All the food was ready to go, just pop in the oven. My sister was bringing bread, salad and desserts, my brother was not going to be attending, which was fine, (again I will talk about on a later date).

The day my parents came into town (a day before the party), I found out I barely kept my job. I’d had just had my review a week prior, and asked for a raise. I have worked 2 other positions working my way up to my current position. I do 3 times the amount of work I do now, and waited to ask, but this time I did. My co-worker that sits next to me was laid off, as well as 3 other people. One of the ways they were determining to let people go, was how much time was being taken off. I had encountered some unusual medical stuff this year, ending up taking lots of time off (unpaid of course). I had also had taken time off earlier last year to attend my son’s college graduation. Most of the time off I’d take were doctors visits/or for medical purposes.

However; the business is sinking like the Titanic, and they were begging people to take time off, even furloughing employees from October until present day. The owner passed away about a year ago, he was the heart and soul of the company. On the front lines with all the employees, and always negotiating deals. My heart goes out to his wife, I don’t know where I’d be with lost without my husband. She was now in charge (majority shareholder) of running this business she doesn’t really know each aspect of what it takes to run everything because her husband always took care of it. I ran a business for a family for 10 years, it takes a lot heart, it’s not easy. We had been told a week prior that most everyone in the company will have to work 4 days a week for at least 2 months, changes were coming. I am a purchasing agent, so I try to get the best product for the best deal, constantly negotiating with vendors. I try my damndest to save the company $$$, but I am only one person. There are many other factors going into to running the business.

As my co-worker was packing her personal belongings up, I was pulled into the office by my 2 managers and HR. Oh great, what the fuck! My anxiety was through the roof. I was sweating,my heart was racing, great now me 😟 . I was told that I was spared, by the skin of my teeth, that I had been on the list of people to lay off, I do a really great job of saving the company money, but I only have 2 months, anything can happen, I’m still not “safe”. I was completely sobbing, tissue in hand, heart racing, trying to explain my worth. What the fuck! I have to explain this shit, why do I have to explain my worth, this is bullshit! This happened at the end of the day, I got in my car, and sobbed, I was the only one in the parking lot just crying in the car by myself. I was pissed and happy at the same time. I canceled my upcoming appointments, that were scheduled during the week, for fear of taking another day off. Why do they give me insurance then if I can’t fucking go to the doctor. I called my sister and let her know what happened still sobbing. I told her I’m on my way, cause my parent were supposed to follow me down to my house. I met my parent and brother in law, explained what happened tears running down my face, cursing my heart out much to my parents dismay. I will finish this tomorrow, I’m a skosh buzzed due to me self medicating with a marmalade vodka , cause my back is killing me.